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The Journal Project |
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Just so you know, the new web template isn't finished, so don't go phreaking out about the austerity of it all just yet. I had intended, as I always to, to finish everything before I had to post again. But, alas, my aching wrists and html deficiencies made this project take a little longer that I had hoped. If any of you out there has hidden web design talents, I would like to enlist your help. I know what I want to do, but I don't know how to do it. And I just don't have the time to start learning how to code, right now. :P I've said it before in this blog, but I can say it with absolute, positive authority now: the end is near. I am actually going to graduate, as soon as I give my presentation (second week of June). I also have 14 more hours of the internship to complete, and I have to polish up my paper. In a matter of weeks I'll be hunting for a job. As the ominous task approached, I have become consumed by a nagging little feeling that has been floating around in my brain for quite some time: I don't particularly want an environmental job right now. Yeah, I've gone and got the degree (almost...there....) and done the internship and attended the environmental job fair and read all the posts online about how to get one's foot into the great big environmental career door. But I don't feel like going through that hassle at this point in my life. I still care about all the issues I've always cared about. I still have the same opinions about various environmental debates. I still am interested in the great interconnectedness of it all. But I am tired of having those thoughts dominate every waking moment of my life. I am tired of calculating my impact, and making sure that everyone around me knows the Truth about the issues. I am just burnt out. What started as a gut feeling around a campfire, eight years ago, has developed into a comprehensive and fulfilling education. Looking back, I can think of many more efficient ways I could have gotten to this point, but I wouldn't give up anything that I have learned along the way. I have learned more than I expected to learn, and I have changed my life accordingly. I have developed a comfortable lifestyle that is in line with my beliefs. Now that it has become second nature, it's time to step away for a while. I took the internship at RAN, rather than holding out for a government internship, because I had already witnessed life inside a government agency office. It was nice enough, and I think I could happily work for an agency someday. But I needed something new, and needed to see how I handled making the environment my profession, in addition to my perpetual obsession. The answer was twofold. First, I realized that the constant, high-level concern about specific issues desensitized me. By the end of the day, I didn't really care why I was assembling a database. I knew that I should be caring, because everything I did was really important, but I couldn't remember why. Secondly, I realized that my favorite parts about RAN were the business-like parts. The corporate structure, the information gathering, the responsibility battles, and--god help me--the meetings. I found myself wishing it was more professional, and less like a non-profit. That was my hint that it might be time for the private sector for a while. And so I decided that my upcoming job search would focus on just that: private sector. Anonymous nameless entry level corporate whore trainee. This is not a permanent thing. I have no doubt that I will eventually end up in an environmental career. It seems inevitable at this point. But for the time being, I need to take the easier path. I been wanting to explore my old fascination with the business world, and this seems like a good time to do so. I have no delusions that an entry level corporate slave job is going to be exciting, or even enjoyable. But it will be a change a pace and a change of venue, both of which will be welcome. At the
very worst, I will have a first job from hell, like everybody else.
But I'd rather have bad memories of a job not in the environmental
field. And some day, I will get to leave my first job from hell and
squeeze my foot into that great big environmental career door. And I'm
sure that on that day, my environmental job will taste twice as sweet. |
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