April 13, 2004

    A lot of the bloggers I read are going through a tough, transitional time right now.  The web is ripe with depression, angst, and the bearing of souls--and it makes me cringe.  The book I am reading, it makes me cringe too.  The main character is an artist, working in a studio with several other artist.  They wander around looking at each other's work, making comments and observations.  As the book progresses, the artwork evolves, and so do the characters.  When I get around to reading in the evening, I cannot put the book down.  And yet I am finding it extremely difficult to read.

   Nothing is more vulnerable than the work in progress.  I have shied away from art classes for the last ten years, because I would rather remain mediocre than allow other people to peer over my shoulders as I work.  My NaNo novelette will probably never see the light of day, because it is unfinished, and therefore nobody's business but my own.  I squirm when Shorn happens to read one of my papers while I am still working on it. 

    A work in progress is a window into a person's deepest secrets--the working of their mind.  How does the first sketch become the finished masterpiece?  In that process lies the mystery of each person.  Some people want this mystery exposed, and spend their whole lives striving to be "understood".  Others spend their lives keeping a little bit of the mystery secret, retaining the power that it holds. 

    All of life is a work in progress, sure.  But some times more so than others.  Life is feeling particularly tenuous right now, as if any bit of interference might throw everything off course.  (Once there was a dream, and it was Lisa's life...)  At the same time, I have been feeling increasingly compelled to keep this blog not only honest, but also more insightful.  To blog about things as they are happening, and as I am thinking about them, rather than after the fact. 

    This goes against my nature, makes me nervous, and makes me not want to blog.  And yet, I have convinced myself that this is something I should do.