March 11, 2003
evening

I reached to turn out the light
He wouldn't let me get near it
He seemed so glad to see a woman in the flesh
And I really liked his spirit

    It is impossible to capture the inflection of Johnette Napolitano's voice in writing.  It would require about sixteen different types of italics, and at least a dozen little accent symbols above the syllables.  Even then, I don't think it would do her justice.  Music really isn't meant to be reproduced visually.

    This is the sort of thing that I think about, while killing time at school.  Instead of having a bunch of crowded computer labs like every other school, CSUH just has a small lab, and a shitload of laptops that they put out on two hour loan.  It turns the whole library into a computer lab.  Especially at a time like this, one week before finals, people are lounging everywhere around the library with their laptops.  This afternoon was the only time I've ever been turned away from the laptop checkout, but when I came back after my 4 o'clock class, I had no problem.  So now, instead of writing stuff out by hand, or browsing through--picture this--books, I can blog while I wait to meet my classmates and talk about Spartina.  I love technology.

    I am hoping to get a good night's sleep tonight.  Last night was weird dream night.  Normally, I enjoy weird dream night, but last nights dream all woke me up and left me feeling all creepy.  I think I woke up three separate times during the night, but the only dream I remember is the one about the Bird invading our second bedroom. 

    It was nighttime, in the dream, and the house was different than our actual house.  There were no computers in the spare bedroom, only a twin bed and a nightstand--as if it was an actual guest room.  And the window had these nice, light, semi-sheer drapes out of some sort of natural, unbleached fabric--gauzy cotton, muslin maybe (no, not burlap.)  Behind the drape, the window was open and there was a screen.  I never actually saw any of this, but I knew it to be the case.

     I heard a crashing coming from the room, and walked towards it down the hall. I stopped at the doorway, and saw that one area of the drapes was bulging, very similar to the way that an Alien chestburster distorts the chest before making its big entry into the world. 

    I stood, transfixed,  watching this thing that I somehow knew was a bird, as it tried to make its way through the screen and drape.  Eventually a beak poked its way through, and there was much squawking.  The next few moments were extremely violent, as the Bird thrashed its way through the small hole it had created, and eventually flopped itself onto the floor.  The Bird resembled a crow in shape and voice, but it was the size of Aack & Sony's pug.  And instead of black, it was light brown with darker brown markings, like some sort of female game fowl.  Once through the hole, the Bird didn't seem damaged by the ordeal, but it did seem very angry, and it flew around the room chaotically, running into walls, and squawking the whole time.

    I knew that the Bird was dangerous, and I should fear it, but there were several long moments where I could do nothing but watch it as I stood, frozen.  Finally, my shock turned to panic, and I acted.  What did I do?  I turned around to look a Shaun, who was standing down the hall, and said to him, quite calmly, in my best drug addict voice, one of my favorite lines from The Crow:

"There's a big fucking bird in the room."

    Yep, that was my big action.  Somehow, that was enough to allow me to break away from my fear.  I turned back around, and closed the door to the room, just as the Bird started to notice me.  I slammed it shut, and walked away, mentally accepting the fact that the Bird had just commandeered a room of our house, and we were never going to get it back.

    I'm not quite sure what the symbolism of this dream is supposed to represent, but I have a few logical guesses.  The obvious one would be childbirth/motherhood, but I can also make a case for sex, autonomy, or a change of some sort.

    But the best part of the dream is the fact that, whatever mental issue my brain was hashing out for me, my subconscious reaction to the matter can be summed up by the statement "There's a big fucking bird in the room."  Lovely.